5.23.2011

new beginnings. maybe.

I've spent my entire freshmen year at this school and I'm even going to take summer classes here but you know I'm finally realizing?

I'm not happy.

In the beginning I had my sights set on a school in Minneapolis, but in the last minute (like a week before school started) my parents told me they weren't able to afford the school.  So in a rush to get out of the house anyway I could I randomly chose my best friend's university as my school and that same day they recieved my application and my parents rushed me out there where that same day I moved into my dorm (all of my things including my clothes were at my mom's in minneapolis).  I wanted things to go right I tried sooooooooooo hard to like the school but I didn't like almost anything about it.  No football team.  Extremely small.  In the middle of nowhere. No Japanese class. The cheerleading team sucks. The dorms were BORING. Nobody has the same style interests as me for that matter nobody stands out, it's like they all morphed into one clone and if you stood out it was like the end of the world.  And people do dress up it's so typical, there was nothing interesting or new about it. 

For the longest time I wanted to go to a college in a city, for some strange reason I feel more comfortable dressing Gal, wearing big eyelashes, having bold (very bold) white eyeshadow on the inner corners of my eyes with glitter, and wearing heels everyday.  Here in this farmy country I feel silly trying to dress up because the only possibly place I could go is class, the dorms, or the cafeteria.  I remember telling my best friend how if I wore a bold pink wig the entire campus might explode.  I'm not happy here, I'm not happy at all and it took me a lot of self reflection to realize it.  I can't take it anymore so I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to try and transfer.  I just came back from my parent's place and they're still recovering from the fire but anyways I told them how unhappy and depressed I've been feeling for a long time and how I really truly would like to transfer.  To my complete shock they gave me their full support.  They told me if I'm not happy I should go somewhere else that'll make me happy. 

I don't know why I was so shocked... but I was!!  I thought they'd be against it since it seems pretty diffcult to transfer but they were so helpful and supportive!  I want to go to a school in Chicago that's my ultimate goal.  As soon as I got to my laptop all I've been doing is searching different schools.  I already feel this weight lifting off my shoulders.  But at the same time I'm still pretty scared that if I do move I won't make friends, I'll be too scared to dress Gal everyday, or everyone will hate me.  But you know what as long as I keep going and trying my best I know everything will be ok!

I'm not a country girl, I'm a city girl! 

Thanks for reading! :D

5 comments:

  1. Thats awesome that your parents support you.I wish i had clothes to dress gal, if i had the clothes i would dress gal everyday, lol. I liked reading this post, it made me think of things i should consider b4 i go to college. =)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yeah I was pretty surprised, and yeah those things should definitely be considered before you choose a college :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ahaha- it's exactly the same and yet a bit different for me: I had a LOT of colleges accept me (thanks to really good SAT and ACT scores), but I didn't wanna' bankrupt my parents, so I went to a 'compromise' school where one of my best friends was attending.

    It's a nice school, very modern, well-known, very diverse, and in a college town-- not a city. (I typically don't like cities.)

    But it's felt 'wrong' these last 2 years, and I just began the transfer process to go to Temple, in Philly. Which is, as you know-- one of the city-est cites there is. Haha.

    I feel ya on the uneasiness and newness of transferring, but I can tell you that closer you get to a new school, the better it'll get. And the happier you'll feel. <3

    I really hope you find the right place for yourself: remember, your parents are pretty supportive~. You can always go back and talk to them more.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wow, i had the same problem while i was away at college this year. Everyone on campus wore sweats everyday and barely anyone stood out or was trying to be different. I've always wanted to go to new york or chicago because they seemed like the "stylish" cities to go to. I wish i had full support from my parents, but they worry too much, but sometimes ya gotta just take chances.
    Well, Good Luck at your new school/environment ^_^

    ReplyDelete