I've spent my entire freshmen year at this school and I'm even going to take summer classes here but you know I'm finally realizing?
I'm not happy.
In the beginning I had my sights set on a school in Minneapolis, but in the last minute (like a week before school started) my parents told me they weren't able to afford the school. So in a rush to get out of the house anyway I could I randomly chose my best friend's university as my school and that same day they recieved my application and my parents rushed me out there where that same day I moved into my dorm (all of my things including my clothes were at my mom's in minneapolis). I wanted things to go right I tried sooooooooooo hard to like the school but I didn't like almost anything about it. No football team. Extremely small. In the middle of nowhere. No Japanese class. The cheerleading team sucks. The dorms were BORING. Nobody has the same style interests as me for that matter nobody stands out, it's like they all morphed into one clone and if you stood out it was like the end of the world. And people do dress up it's so typical, there was nothing interesting or new about it.
For the longest time I wanted to go to a college in a city, for some strange reason I feel more comfortable dressing Gal, wearing big eyelashes, having bold (very bold) white eyeshadow on the inner corners of my eyes with glitter, and wearing heels everyday. Here in this farmy country I feel silly trying to dress up because the only possibly place I could go is class, the dorms, or the cafeteria. I remember telling my best friend how if I wore a bold pink wig the entire campus might explode. I'm not happy here, I'm not happy at all and it took me a lot of self reflection to realize it. I can't take it anymore so I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to try and transfer. I just came back from my parent's place and they're still recovering from the fire but anyways I told them how unhappy and depressed I've been feeling for a long time and how I really truly would like to transfer. To my complete shock they gave me their full support. They told me if I'm not happy I should go somewhere else that'll make me happy.
I don't know why I was so shocked... but I was!! I thought they'd be against it since it seems pretty diffcult to transfer but they were so helpful and supportive! I want to go to a school in Chicago that's my ultimate goal. As soon as I got to my laptop all I've been doing is searching different schools. I already feel this weight lifting off my shoulders. But at the same time I'm still pretty scared that if I do move I won't make friends, I'll be too scared to dress Gal everyday, or everyone will hate me. But you know what as long as I keep going and trying my best I know everything will be ok!
I'm not a country girl, I'm a city girl!
Thanks for reading! :D