new year not new me

I hate new years, I really do.  

Every year I like to pretend I'm actually going to accomplish something.  Saying "my new years resolutions are..." is like a curse so I stopped doing that like two years ago.  Nothing really changes, honestly I'm just glad to make another year alive, with money, and in my own place.  I have goals, like always, but big deal I've had the same goals all year and still have yet to complete them.  I'm working on it but New Years never helps my motivation.  

I'd be forever unsuccessful.  

But one thing I'm doing, no matter what, and very soon is going to a psychiatrist.  

I need it, seriously.  


If I don't talk to someone soon, about my issues, I don't know what I'll do.  I also want to blog more, much more.  My follower count is lacking and I'm sure that's one of the reasons why.  

And I never have giveaways.  

But I'm working on that, I'm planning a giveaway soon.  A huge one, with expensive shit.  I'm just terrified, I'm afraid random people will follow me just to win, then unfollow once the giveaway is over.  Which is going to happen no matter what, but it sucks.  And even though I made a new YouTube I probably won't start making videos for a while, cause I'm ugly on camera. XD  But that's something I'm still planning to do, making videos is an odd form of therapy for me (and blogging).

I want to start wearing heavy make up again, work kills me, so everyday I look like I haven't slept in weeks.

I miss when I looked like this.
 Now.  I'm this.
The girl below is cute but basic (boring).  I think the ulzzang trend rubbed off on me too much. ><

Now my hair is always black cause blonde looks horrible with no make up (on me), I don't put effort in my wardrobe, and I look pissed off all the time at work.  I think some of my coworkers fear me.  LOL  

I miss Gyaru and I miss my doll eye look.  I'm too natural! 

I need to improve my overall appearance.  My face has improved (somewhat) now I need to work on my body.  And my health, this year may be full of doctor visits, which I'm not looking forward too but I have to pretend to be a responsible adult and do it.  And I'm publishing super soon, it's so close I'm already prepared to hire an editor.  FINALLY.  After years of saying I will.  The book is shit (and short), but that's beside the point, Book 1 is finished and that's all that matters.

I also want to get out more, yes, I'm socially awkward but I need to do it or before I know it I'll be in my thirties, regretful, a hoarder, and an owner of a hundred cats.

Lastly find a boyfriend, LOL, everyone knows I'm unlucky when it comes to that.

Then again my computer is my love.  

It's gives me all the loving I need and no drama.  YAYYY!

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