This year was one of the hardest of my life. My depression and anxiety seemed to have ignited at the beginning of the year and it seriously destroyed the little confidence I had in myself. I stopped wearing makeup, couldn't write, ignored most social media, and hid myself from the world. Seriously, every day after work I'd go in my room, lock the door, and go to sleep. It was a cycle that I couldn't break and it lasted pretty much the entire year. It caused me to gain weight and my health worsened. Not to mention I'm still at a job that is literally killing me AND I HAVEN'T PUBLISHED!!!
So basically 2015 was pretty much a shit fest, until the last few months, I realized I was allowing the depression to take over my life and I started to make a real effort to stop it. So far I've done really well, this year I can't slack off especially now that I have my own apartment. I've just moved in and it's pretty surreal, the first day was horrible though. Since it was New Years a drunken person tried to open my door then puked by it (I was pissed), but other then that it's been pretty great. I know that I don't make New Years resolutions but I wanted make a list of goals that have for 2016.
♡ 1. Publish ♡ I've been trying to starting publishing my stories for years, what has held me back is the overall process of finishing, hiring editors, getting covers, etc. This year I'm publishing no matter what, my goal is to publish in a few months, by Spring at the latest. Fingers crossed. Check out my author blog if you're interested in keeping up with my writing.
♡ 2. Improve skincare ♡ With my depression taking over my life I stopped taking care of my skin completely. At the start of 2015 I had an extensive skincare routine and I was seeing good results, since I've stopped I feel like my skin has worsened. I want to create a morning and night routine and do it every single day.
♡ 3. Re-start YouTube ♡ I've been wanting to start making new videos for so long, creating and editing YouTube videos was like therapy for me even if my old videos kind of sucked. They did. This year I want to restart my channel with not just beauty videos I'm also wanting to do vlogs, reaction videos, and maybe game plays. I pretty much want my channel to be whatever comes to mind, the only reason I stopped was because I felt ugly on camera. Yep, dumb reason.
♡ 4. Quit Job ♡ You guys know I'm not happy in the least with my current job situation and I've been wanting to quit for months. I honestly feel like this job triggered a lot of the severe depression I had in 2015. The only reason I'm still there is because I'm been slacking when it comes to filling out job applications. Before the end of spring I'm praying to have a new, better, and less stressful job.
♡ 5. Lose weight ♡ I've gained weight in 2015, it's sad because in 2014 I was probably the smallest I had ever been in a long time. Now that I live on my own I have no bad influences LOL or excuses. I'm also still doing my Becoming Barbie weight loss series so that should help me stay motivated as well.
♡ 6. Wear makeup ♡ For most of 2015 I avoided makeup because my job has sucked all the inspiration out of me and I've been having bad dry eye issues. This year, fuck that, I'm wearing makeup and being a cake face!!!! I only have eye issues because I'm constantly staring at a computer at my job. With a new job that should stop the problems and I'll be able to wear makeup like I want. A few years ago I didn't go a day without makeup and I want to get back to that. In a perfect world I'd try being a Gyaru again but at the moment that seems impossible.
♡ 7. Get help ♡ What I mean by get help is I'm going to start actively looking for a doctor to help with me with my depression, anxiety, everything basically. I've been avoiding the hospital because it's scary and intimidating, but this year I'm going to act like an adult and seek treatment. If not I'm never going to get better.
So those are my goals for this year, by the end of 2016 I'll check back to see if I've accomplished them LOL. I'm not sure how 2016 will go for me but I hope it's nothing like 2015.