8.09.2016

i'm fat + ebay!

I had made a different blog post but I didn't really like it so I deleted it, it was just a boring update.  This'll be an "update" as well but hopefully not as lackluster.  Still no job, sadly, but I've been applying like crazy and I'm hopeful I'll get a response soon.  This little break has been nice even though I've been sleeping a lot.  

I'm always tired. 

Even if I sleep all day and night, I don't know what's wrong with me.  I've finally started dieting and exercising, a real diet.  It's called the Ketogenic diet, basically a no/low carb diet.  I started a week ago and so far so good.  I'm not starving myself, that's what's making it easy.  And my motivation this time around is much stronger.  

I'm tired of being fat, plain and simple.  

I've been like this since high school and I detest this feeling.  I hate not wearing what I want and not taking full body pictures.  Also I want to go swimming.  That sounds simple and all but for me I haven't worn a bathing suit since I was 12.

Yep 12.

I'm 24 and 25 is halfway too 30, I don't want the rest of my twenties to be of me hiding, being self conscious and wearing ugly clothes.  This time around I'm the most serious I've ever been when it comes to losing weight.  My last job also propelled me into feeling this way, I had a HORRIBLE experience at that job and gained a shit ton of weight.  I don't want that job and what it's done to me too linger on in my life.  FUCK THAT JOB I'm losing weight no matter what and getting prettier. 

Cause that's the goal, getting prettier.  And I don't want my thighs to rub together, that has to be the most annoying feeling ever.  I've already picked out a bathing suit I might get once I lose weight, or something like it. 
I've been exercising almost every night, as long as I do it five nights a week I'm satisfied.  And I've subscribed to a bunch of healthy/fitness people on Youtube.  I haven't been to the gym yet, of course I have to wait to get a job so I can afford the membership LOL.  I took before pictures and I was going to post them until I realized how awful I looked.  I'm in disbelief I let myself go so badly, I was never a big girl but I've never been super thin either. 

But right now I'm huge, like if I keep going at this rate it'll start to effect my health.  My goal is too lose at least 30 pounds before next year.  What makes me quit, every time, is laziness and if I don't see immediate results.

It never fails.

If I haven't lost weight after a week or two I quit, it's sad and stupid.  It can take months for people to lose weight but my brain wants results RIGHT NOW.  I'm making sure this time too fight that mindset and only check my weight weekly.
Got this from tumblr, LOL. 

Also I've finally posted some stuff I'm selling on ebay.  Right now it's a purse, books, and my Victoria's Secret comforter.  I still have a lot more to post, like my Mac Limited addition stuff, once I do I will make a blog post just in case anyone is interested. 
 I was feeling myself here, LOL.

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