9.12.2016

f*ck my life + actually losing weight


The situation I'm in now is bringing me back to 2012-2013 when I was so desperate for money I actually donated plasma, not blood, plasma.  And would get a measly 15.00 due to my weight, the heavier you are the more money you'd get.  I'm broke as heck and mentally panicking since  I have so many upcoming bills.  My Ebay stuff isn't selling (people are watching but not buying) and I'm getting job interviews but they're all going at a micro pace.  Thank God I have my dad, he's been helping so much it kind of annoys me.  I hate having to ask for anything, for the past year I didn't even talk to my dad much due to my depression but he's still very willing to help.  I don't mind sharing this "personal info" only because I know not too many people read my blog and this blog documents my life.  

This is part of my life and right now I'm broke LOL.  

I've had interviews and another one tomorrow, the process is taking forever.  

Funnily enough even in this predicament I still don't regret quitting my job.  It was so bad I feel like I would have committed suicide if I stayed even a month longer.  Yeah, that bad.  So it's either being alive and broke or dead.  I just worry I won't get a job in time and will be evicted or something of that nature, that's my biggest fear.  The apartment people here seem chill, I feel if I tell them what's going on they won't hound me.  Hopefully.  I'm in that transitional period of having no money and getting a job, LOL.  I did apply for a Librarian Aid position (which would be a dream come true) and they replied that I passed the assessment and now have to wait to be selected for an interview.  I'd drop everything for this job, as a kid the library was my safe haven.  I've spent many after school days in there, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that.  Until then I need a temporary job that will pay my bills.  When I'm rich and a famous author I'm going to look back on this blog and remind myself never to forget where I came from and stay humble.  LOL  I'm trying to stay positive even though I'm stressed as hell and want to jump off a bridge.  

I'm looking at this as a new chapter of my life.

Here's my Ebay, please take a look! 


On a slightly more positive note I've actually been losing weight.  Real weight.  It sounds silly until you realize how difficult it's been for me with losing weight.  For the past few years all I could think about is how out of shape I've become but I never did anything to stop it.  At my old job I gained 23 pounds which doesn't sound like a lot until you realize I'm only 5'3 (and not small to begin with).  And where I gained weight was obvious (stomach, thighs, and arms).  For the past month and a half I've been on a low carb diet and exercising most days (at least 5 days a week).  So far I've lost 14 pounds, yep 14.

When I stepped on the scale I was shocked, I've never lost so much weight on purpose before.  But honestly I don't see a huge change in my body aside from my stomach being flatter.  My goal is too lose at least 20-24 pounds more, which would be less then what I weighed when I started my hellish job.  I want to be thinner, plain and simple, and even when I wasn't big I still felt "big" if that makes any sense.

I will post before/afters and my actual weight once I lose more, I want to be near my goal so there's something to compare too.  Some of my clothes already fit different and it's an awesome feeling.  I was getting to that point of being so uncomfortable with my body I couldn't even look in the mirror.  

I refused to keep wallowing in self pity and losing 14 pounds is the result. :)

Next post I'll have lost more weight and I'll show you guys exactly what I'm doing. 
The more weight I lose the more I want to get back into YouTube, I miss it so much it's not even funny.  I just need a new camera cause my current one is such crap.  Not sure what kind of videos I'd do, YouTube is now such a different place.  More commercial if that makes sense.  Everyone's videos are now so top quality, I remember when people were recording in their rooms with bad lighting LOL.  I miss that to be honest, I could relate.  I may even do a video on my weight loss, I hope to start that before the end of the year!  It's already September...

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