11.19.2016

So far...

Up until today I've been feeling kind of good, even happy and that's huge for me.  Work has been going well, I've been wearing makeup and looking pretty (I think) everyday, and so far I've lost 22 pounds!   That leaves me only 11 pounds to reach my end of the year goal.

Unfortunately one day I random woke up and didn't go to work, it would mark the first day I've missed and I hate myself for it.  For years I've had issues with attendance whether it be school or work, it's like I'll get up and start to get ready then my mind will tell me not to go and I don't.  It's like I give myself a self induced anxiety attack.  I missed a lot of days at my old job and I don't want that pattern to start here.  For one this job is only temporary and two it's not as stressful, so I have no excuses.  I literally can't afford to be fired for such a preventable reason.  Not sure what to do, as usual.  Or why this happens but I'm sure it has something to do with my endless mental issues.

Also I haven't been working on my book, what else is new.  All I want most in the world is to get it finished yet my body doesn't do what my mind tells it.  Like I'll have the urge to write but instead I'll watch YouTube videos or sleep.  There's always ideas and visions of my story floating in my head, which I write down, but an invisible force stops me from working on the actual story.  Sometimes I want to slap some sense into myself but I feel even doing that won't help.

I'm a lost cause.

Either that or I need more discipline.

My goal is too dedicate at least an hour too writing everyday I know it's possible if I truly want it and I do.  I never thought I'd lose weight and I have, somehow.  And that's due to being dedicated.  Also I was fed up with being fat.  Exercising is still a struggle but I know it's vital to get the results I want, so I do it.  And I finally got my Nutribullet!  

I bought everything I needed for it all at once, I specifically drink my smoothies/shakes at work because there I have no appetite and drinking a meal replacement shake is better than nothing.  I also use the protein powder Isopure, I only chose it because it has no calories and is low carb.  I got the vanilla flavor it's tastes like liquid cake.  I thought I took a picture of it but I can't find it, here's how it looks.
I'm really proud of myself and how far I've come with my weight loss, I wish I took pictures of my scale from start to finish but I do have tons of body shots.  Honestly I'm not looking forward to showing those because of how bad I looked.  Just awful.
Here's a shitty picture of an outfit I wore a few weeks ago (not sure what's wrong with my face), hopefully I'll get better at these.  I've been building a new wardrobe, mainly for work with lots of cute stuff.  I'm not touching anything until I reach a certain weight, sounds weird but it's helping me stay focused.  And technically I'm only two pounds from that weight.  (I actually wrote this section weeks ago and I've actually reached that goal now as of 11/19 I'm 24 pounds down!)
 Not sure if I look any skinnier in my photos LOL, I think I look the same I'll probably have a fat face forever.  Also I bought some makeup from Sephora during their VIB sale, I've only bought from Sephora one other time this year.  And it wasn't that much since Sephora can be extremely expensive.  Here's my little haul.
 Estee Lauder Double Wear Foundation (Rich Ginger), Hourglass Mineral Veil Primer, 
It Cosmetics Bye Bye Pores Powder, Marc Jacobs Highliner in Plumage & 
Wavelength, Estee Lauder Double Wear Eyeliner Electric Cobalt, 
Stila Liquid Eyeliner Midnight
(Swatches)
Looks more impressive in the boxes, I only got stuff I needed.  I wanted more but at this time of year I really need to save money.  Even these few items were expensive.  I also bought a new comforter in hopes to make my tiny apartment a little cuter and homey.  It's from Betsey Johnson (my fave) and I got it on sale for the best deal ever.
Yes my bed is low and small but I live in a tiny studio and I don't need a bed to take up half my space.  Also got a silk pillowcase because I hate waking up with those lines/creases on my face (I'm a wild sleeper) and the silk helps prevent wrinkles.  I'm not buying another pink or light color because they get stained easily, went to sleep with mascara on and now one side is ruined. LOL

And I got my hair braided up, here's the hair I used.
I chose ombre braid hair because I'm tired of black hair (I miss platinum blond).  I got a simple style, a braided ponytail only because my head can't take box braids.  The last time I got them the sides of my head hurt even weeks after I got them, I think it's because the braids were heavy.  I'll take pictures soon, I only just got it done literally today and it's in that awkward "no edges" stage LOL and my head is sore. ><

The end of 2016 is coming so quickly, bad things have been happening (Trump), but I'm still going to try my best to look forward to the future.  I have big plans for 2017, lots of money to save, and coffee to drink LOL.

Before the year ends I hope to make a few more blog posts, finger crossed!

princess on the inside tomboy on the outside lol

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