another year gone by,

So 2016 is over and for me it has been an interesting year.  For once I feel accomplished, which is kind of sad LOL.  2016 started out like any other year for me.  Basically taking each day for what it was and not striving for much.  I don't know what clicked in my brain but in the middle of the year I just had enough.  I had enough of allowing myself to have a low quality of life, basically doing self sabotage and torturing myself.  And as you guys know I quit my soul sucking job.  Honestly I believe that was one of the best decisions I've made in my life.  I'm still shocked I even did it, especially with little money and no job lined up.  (I don't recommend it)  But if I hadn't I truly believe I wouldn't be alive.  Which is a super morbid thing to write but it's absolutely true.  

I hate too admit this but I had constant thoughts of suicide and I kept imagining myself jumping off the bridge my old job was by.  I even broke down and told my sister who was stunned I was evening thinking like that.  (I guess that shows how little my family knows about my mental issues)  I wanted to end it all.  But then I remembered all the goals I've been working toward, a part of me still wanted to accomplish them.  So I made a rash decision and quit my job.  Since then the second half of 2016 was about improving myself and working to become who I want to be and want to do.  I think I've come a long way and I'm proud of my growth.

I do believe there's many more positive things to come for me. 

At the beginning of 2016 I made a list of goals and I want to revisit them to see if I actually did them.  (I got this idea from the blogger BongQiuQiu)
♡ 1. Publish Didn't do this.
♡ 2. Improve skincare ✓ Did this! 
♡ 3. Re-start YouTube ♡ Didn't do this.
♡ 4. Quit Job ♡ ✓✓✓ Did this!
♡ 5. Lose weight ✓ Did this, and as of today I'm down 27 pounds and I didn't even officially start until September.
♡ 6. Wear makeup ✓ Did this!
♡ 7. Get help ♡ Didn't do this.

I did the majority of what I set out to do but I feel I could've done more... 
For 2017 I WILL

1. Publish no matter what! ♔ I honestly can't go another year without this book being finished, I'm making it my top priority. 

2. Re-start YouTube channel ♔ Hopefully my first video will be out in either January or February, I'm still saving for a camera because I want my videos to have super good quality so you guys can see how ugly I am. LOL

3. Get Fitter ♔ Yes I've lost weight but I'm still nowhere close to where I want to be with my body, I want to lose more weight then possibly start weight lifting so I can tone up.  This explains why I haven't done my "How I lost weight" post yet.
I'm aware this image is probably photo-shopped to death but this is my "ideal" body, basically a slim hourglass shape.

4. Learn Japanese ♔ I took Japanese eleven years ago when I was in 9th grade.  Back then life wasn't going my way and I didn't take it seriously even though I was very much interested in learning.  Now all these years later I'm trying again, self teaching pretty much.  I'm striving big, I want to be able to speak conversational Japanese and read it.  Not sure how this will go but I'm confident I can do it.

5. Choose a Japan Study Abroad Language Course ♔ I've finally put this into writing.  I've wanted to do this for years, since I was a kid, and I'm finally making it a reality.  I'm scared because although I'm almost 25 I've never traveled alone and it doesn't help that I have severe social anxiety.  I fear not liking it or having such a huge culture shock that I want to go home.  But I have to do it because if I don't I'll regret it.  I don't want to be one of those middle aged people who constantly say, "I wish I did this when I was younger,"  I'm doing it no matter what.  I'm praying to go either 2018 or 2019 depending on my money situation, not sure if it'll be 6 months, 12 months, or more.  As of 2017 I'm putting the wheels in motion for this happen, and the first step is speaking/writing it into existence.  :)

6. Improve style ♔  My style has always been bad mainly due to my insecurities but I'm tired of looking basic to be honest.  When you wear exciting clothes you usually have an exciting life, right?  So I'll be focused on improving my style, hopefully that means more outfit posts either on here, Tumblr, or Instagram.  If I have to describe my style I'm basically a tomboy who likes to be pretty.  My style icon would definitely be Rihanna.  She's a mixture of glam, sexy, tomboy, and chic in my opinion. 

I recently bought this dress.
I got it in the morning and  tried it on because I was so excited which is why it looks like I just woke up because I did just wake up. LOL (as you can tell from the scarf, no make up, and swollen lips.  Also I didn't take off my bra ><)  Funnily enough although I bought a small it still fits loose so I may have to return it and get an extra small.

That's a first for me.

More clothing hauls to come!
Me, pretty much.

 ♔ 7. Stay consistent with skincare ♔ Over the year my skin has improved so much, I have old videos I've recorded but never edited or uploaded and there's a video of me from December 2015 and my skin looked awful.  Rough and bumpy, not to mention I was fat as hell,  I looked overall awful but my skin especially.  Now it's so much better due to my skin care routine.  I've also been doing an all over body skincare routine, sadly I use to never wear lotion.  Yeah I'm weird.  I'll probably share what I do one of these days, it's time consuming but worth it. 

8. Get help ♔I'm working on this but getting professional help, especially for mental issues, is harder than it seems, I feel it's even harder for black girls.

I have more goals but these are some of the most blog worthy ones.

I have a new philosophy I've been incorporating into my life, basically being positive and believing I'll get what I want if I work hard.  Which in the past I never used to do, it started with me reading the book The Magic of Believing, I recommend it so much.  It's changed my life, I think I'll re-read it soon.  Once I started reading it and following the advice it states my life begun to get better.  It's a common sense type of book, nothing out of the box or crazy.  But if you're struggling through life please read it, it might help you like it helped me. 

I hope 2017 is a positive and productive year for everybody, good luck!


  1. That dress is beautiful. And I hope you have good luck with all of your goals this year :D