4.13.2017

rushed to the emergency room

The past few days have been absolute hell for me to be honest.  Not sure what came over me but a few days ago I got sick, very sick.  I still feel sick now but I have some nausea pills that have been helping.  Basically I was vomiting over and over and couldn't move, my mom got so worried she called 911.  Which is the picture I took of the emergency room, it was embarrassing to have paramedics walk me down a busy street to their ambulance.😴  At the hospital they acted very cold and unwelcoming which is why I hate hospitals.  They pinpointed my sickness back to me taking a medication I hadn't taken in a while so I randomly took it (an antidepressant) and it must've triggered the nausea and vomiting.  Afterwards I had to walk home because no one wanted to pick me up LOL but it was only a short walk to my apartment.  Still it's kind of fucked up that none of my family cared enough to get me.  My life I guess.  When I got home I weighed myself because I hadn't eaten for days and I weighed 107 pounds, the lowest I've ever been in my life.  But I don't look good I look sickly, ever-since I got sick my eyes look sunken in.  That combined with being thin makes me look like a drug addict.

Also my anxiety has been shooting through the roof because one of my YouTube videos has brought upon a lot of negativity.  Arguments and name calling.  It got so bad I had to disable the comments, I don't want my channel to be a negative place, my life is negative enough.  I guess it's my fault for putting myself out there and having an unpopular opinion. 😴😩  I think if this was a different time in my life I wouldn't feel as effected by the comments but right now it feels like I'm having constant mini panic anxiety attacks and I can't deal with it.

2 comments:

  1. I hope you get better soon! That whole situation sounds scary and I am glad that you were able to get help. As far as the video goes, I am sorry that ppl are so crazy online :( I watched the video and enjoyed hearing you share your views. I found a tumblr/ig dedicated to kpop and black women and it creeped me out and infuriated me. I know telling you not to worry about it will make the anxiety worse (I have anxiety as well) but I really hope you are taking care of yourself. I know I am a complete stranger but I have been following you (and other black girls from the gyaru days lol) for years now and I hate reading that you are suffering in any way. It was smart of you to add donation button on your blog ;) Have a nice weekend, hun! xoxo

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    1. Thank you for commenting :) I actually ended up deleting the video because of the overwhelming response but afterwards I've been feeling a lot better. Thanks for keeping up with me <3 <3 sometimes I wonder if anyone ever reads my blog LOL.

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