10.25.2017

bad days are okay ❤

It's the middle of my first full work week and it's been a whirlwind.  My shift is very early so I have to go to sleep by 6 or 7 pm (I work in an airport).  Getting use to this hasn't been as hard as it sounds, thanks to melatonin.  For the first week we get free food, free fast food and I'm realizing how detrimental my relationship to food has become ever since I've lost weight.  It's funny I'll eat burgers, fries, or pizza gladly, then feel horrible about it right after and obsess over exercising.  My mind forces me to think I'll somehow gain all the weight I lost back.  

One week of semi bad food is not going to make me gain 50+ pounds but my mind thinks so.  So that's been tough to deal with, also when I get home I've been so tired and will crash (not doing anything productive) so the next morning I wake up extra early, (like at 1 am) to not only edit my book but also exercise.  Adding to that I'm also stressing over some money issues, adapting to work, and other minor things.

It's been exhausting.

I know this is only going to last this first week then I go back to my normal routine of healthy eating and exercise but it got me thinking how hard I am on myself.  I allow stress to take over everything if that makes sense.  

If I'm stressed about anything it runs my mind and I realize I need to work on that.  

This morning I woke up with a headache (I planned to exercise and edit) and I was angry at myself.  Suddenly these thoughts of gaining a million pounds and never finishing my book clouded my mind.  So I've drank 2 cups of tea, listened to a podcast, and also tried meditating for the first time ever using the Headspace app.  I forgot to close my eyes and having a headache didn't help, LOL.  But my goal is to start meditating as often as I can.  I've always wanted to do it and I think I need it now more than ever. 

It's still the morning as I'm typing this, today I plan to take it easy by simply focusing on training at work, having a positive day, and saying (and thinking) positive affirmations.  For example "today will be a good and productive day."

Bad days are okay and stress is normal but I'm no longer allowing stress to run my life.

Love, Lanelle ❤

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