10.12.2017

life is funny

I've been going through hell, pretty much.  No job, little money, and depressed.  But as of today, I'm happy.  Actually happy, I bet you're wondering.  Why?  How?  I guess you can say I've started to have a newer outlook on life.  Gratitude if that makes sense.  And I've also been listening to some inspiring podcasts which has helped.  

And as of today I'm employed!  

First I took a part time job in a museum as a parking ramp cashier.  Unglamorous but at least not in an office (but still customer service oriented), then I got an email to work at the airport.  I went and was hired for a full time position as a Utility worker.  Super unglamorous and yet I'm so fucking happy!  I'll explain why.  For years I've taken customer service desk jobs.  Corporate, basically.  At this job I'll be on my feet all the time restocking stores and cleaning shelves.  No desks, no customer service, and no call center!  And it pays enough for me to live on, I'm so happy I can't stop smiling.  It's exactly what I wanted especially in this stage of my life.  I'm on the verge of being a published author, I'm healthy and fit, and I don't need a 9-5 type job to bring me down.  My mindset is beginning to shift, not totally (yet) but I'm working on it.  Specifically being more grateful about life, less envious of others, and making my dreams come true.  For years I've been this pessimistic, negative person allowing depression to take over my life.  

Not anymore.

I have so much work to do but changing my mindset has become something I've started working on.  Funnily enough I never thought of things like "mindsets" until I started listening to mindfulness podcasts.  I'm mad I didn't find these sooner.  My favorite is one called "Style Your Mind" it's geared toward girl bosses but I swear it's changed my life.  I even bought the workbook by Cara Alwill Leyba who runs Style your Mind and I'm reading her book Girl Code.  
Life changing, I recommend all of it!

I don't know what the future holds and honestly I'm not worried about that, I care about here and now and doing everything I can to be happy and live my best life.  Did you guys know some years ago I was so broke I donated plasma. Don't think I ever blogged about that due to embarrassment.  I've sold my own clothes and did homework for money.  I've been struggling for so long and I'm sick of it.  Not just with money with many body issues, social anxiety, family problems, etc.  Now my new life goal is having a positive mindset and learning self love.

True self love, not just trying to be skinny. 

I'm 25, I think it's time.
Don't expect my depression or anxiety to disappear of course that's a lifelong battle, this is going to be a work in progress.  I truly think my break from social media led me to this, someway somehow.  Life has already become something I'm looking forward.  I've started saying a positive affirmation every morning, I say, "today will be an amazing day."

I also made a new vlog for my writing channel, watch if you're interested in book-related things.  I also talk about how I'll be publishing my book, thanks for watching!

If you love life, life will love you back.

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