11.19.2018

i'm not dead


I've been stressed, suicidal (as usual), and jobless. That's basically it. Personally I find it difficult to do anything I enjoy when my stress takes over. The past few months my stress has hindered me more than ever. It's been HARD, that's the only way to describe it. Honestly I feel like I haven't been fully conscious like I'm a ghost watching myself deteriorate and I can't do anything about it. 

Just, it's been hard. 

I haven't been doing anything, just worrying mostly. Right now I've started working at a new job which is a good thing and despite my first day being awful I'm determined to stay as long as possible. In reality it's a great job I just find the management incredibly disorganized.

Imagine someone telling you to go to a specific place with no directions, as a matter of fact they barely tell you what the place is or what it's called, that's basically how I'd describe my experience so far. Also it's overnight meaning I'll get off work between 2am-8am (which doesn't bother me for the most part), and I'll be working 12 hour shifts due to it being the holiday season. I'm ready to work, super ready. I just want to know my duties and how to do them, that's it!

Once shit gets better in my life, money troubles mainly, I plan to update more (here & YouTube). It's just find hard to blog with the thought of being evicted in the back of my mind. I've got plans that could change my life (for the better) and I won't share yet because I tend to overshare then end up not doing what I say. These plans are giving me reasons to keep going and trying harder. Also Animal Crossing is helps too😅.

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